Exploring the Frame of Life: Challenges and Celebrations
So it's the last month of the year. December 12th, we have a new moon and we have Mercury retrograde. I don't know, but this new moon feels super yummy to me, it just it feels really good, really nice. What I feel I'm being called to ask myself and then again to share with you, or I'd like to share with you, is to take some time now, before we get knee deep into the holidays to take a moment to do some re’s. (Thank you, mercury retrograde.) Reflect, revisit, revise. Where do you want to renew, regenerate? And it's a perfect time at the end of the year to look back and say, what did I accomplish this year? What goals did I set and then meet? What paths did I go down and take a hard right or follow through or abort completely? What was this chapter of my life about? Let me just take some time to review it.
The image today came from a reading and I'll get to it later, the meaning behind it. But the image is a kite, soaring high. But it's anchored into this magical, beautiful world. And the beautiful world is only for the person who I was reading it for, so for you it would be. Whatever magical space you go into your mind that brings you comfort, joy, peace, exhilaration, curiosity, hope, anchoring into that so that you can fully enjoy it and fly high, even shifting your perspective from the heights of the kite down into the world that you have created and trusting it and letting yourself fly.
Getting back to that metaphor of the two souls, the guide and the guided, or the guide to the explorer, some of us come here into this lifetime with a clear understanding of the adventure that lies ahead. They know what the job is they're supposed to do, the goals, the lessons they kind of come in with like a laser focus. Others of us come into this world kind of confused and bewildered by the opportunities that are presented as challenges in our lives, and then some of them are like a laser focus and then some of them you know, some people just are not even aware that it's a quest at all. They're so immersed into the fabric of this 3D living, this life, this journey, that there is no comprehension that there is a guide or part of the soul that craves to guide you toward something specific or general, but towards lessons to be accomplished this lifetime.
There's this term that's been going around, called the spiritual awakening. I don't know if you've heard it or not but it's like a wake up call, not too dissimilar from this idea of being woke, which has now got tainted with lots of opinions, but the idea of being just more aware. You know, I believe that the idea of being woke is just being more aware. Yes, I have some other opinions on it, that it's been taken too far, because the idea, in my perspective, of being aware is to opening up more, to love, not separation, and I find that sometimes that word has been used as a tool for separation and not love, as it was intended. But how I interpret spiritual awakening is the identification, the realization that there is a guide and a journeyman, a guide and explore, a guide and a guided aspect of your soul and your soul-self, the soul being the guide and the self being the explorer.
There is the two parts of self right, the guide and the guided, and it reminds me of when I was in high school I was playing. It was new out. I was going to ask you if you remember it, but I realized it's back now because that's also part of age. Things have already come back around as fresh new ideas when they're really just recycled old ones. But anyway, legends of Zelda, and I remember playing it, - I mean, I even had a college roommate who and trust me, I'm going somewhere with this who played Tomb Raider. Do you remember Laura Croft Tomb Raider, the first one before the movie. She stayed home from school for an entire week in college just to finish that game, just to beat that game. Like that's a different level of commitment that I'd never totally had.-But I remember when I was trying to beat or win the legends of Zelda and I had come super close. So obviously when you're in that state you're like playing nonstop, right, you're just playing and playing, and playing and failing and playing, and playing, and playing and playing.
Ever since I was little my dreams were always super important. They were my connection to the spiritual side, my initial connection to the idea that there is a guide and a guided. My dreams would resonate in reality, in day-to-day life. Some of them were premonitory that's a very specific feeling dream and then others were just kind of re-processing and showing me a new perspective on my daily life which was super informative for me. So I use my dreams a lot. They are super precious to me. So when I was playing this legends of Zelda I had gone to sleep that night.- I would never forget this - I woke up in the next morning realizing that I had dreamt in video game and I was told I was so freaked out. I was like completely freaked out by it that I just stopped playing all together, like I was like nope, nope, that's not, I don't want it, I don't want it. I felt the poison in my brain. That experience has made me think about the idea of the guide and the explorer, the guide and the guided right. Like, there's the person, there's the aspect of us in the game going from level to level, meeting challenged and challenge the next challenge. And then there's the actual us who is, using the joysticks. (Aging myself) Using the controller to help guide our little what do we call it now, avatar person through the series of levels throughout the game. And the thing is, is that sometimes we can get so engrossed and the tree in front of us that we're not seeing the forest around us. That it is a game we are in and we forget about the other part of ourselves, who is guiding us, the other part of ourselves who has the controller, who has the map, who kind of signed us up for the lessons that we're preparing our soul for massive connection back to Source. I mean, whether you believe it or not, it's an interesting perspective and tool, if you choose for it to be, on how to progress through challenges.
Every challenge is coming to serve and serve a higher purpose, and that higher purpose is universal consciousness, universal connection and the release of all pain and suffering. I mean, I feel like that's how the video game applies to life. Some of us get so stuck in life in this 3D world that it becomes this gross distraction from our soul's goal, its mission, its essence. The goals of our soul are rooted in our desires, our desires that we have from birth. Really, it's part of our DNA, chemical makeup. What turns us on? Those desires lead us to goals. Those goals are like posts along the way of our journey, signposts, you know. Then there's the mission. So the goals are not the mission and they shouldn't be confused with it, which I often do. I'm not going to lie, but especially in this world that we're in the 3D, it's like the goals and the mission seem to their instant gratification the goals when you finish them right, and you think that that's the mission. But how many times have you reached your goal and then been like, yeah, and then the next moment gone. Now, what? Because the mission and the goal are different and the mission of your soul can be felt when you're in flow, or what I call in flow. And what I call in flow is is really just being in synchronicity with the world around you and being open and aware to it.
I'm a person who sees angel numbers and if you don't know what that is, it's initially it's repetition of numbers, and usually the same number. So 1-1-1, 2-2-2, 4-4-4, that kind of thing. And when you take a glance at the clock, like lately it's been happening to me so much lately, every and specifically now 5-5-5, every time I look at the clock it's 5-5-5, whether it's the morning or at night, or 11-11, that's another one. And to me, those numbers are a way of this dimension, this world, connecting with other dimensions, other worlds. It's like a language between the barriers of different spaces and times and they have messages, they carry messages, these numbers. Scientifically we are in a mathematical world. There's science and math all around us and the repetition of the shape of things in the Hermetic principle of as below so above, so below and as below so above. However, it's actually said not like I just said. I mean, you take the picture if you've not seen it yet, definitely look it up, but the infrared picture from the James Webb telescope, of dark matter and its connection to all things in the universe, and then look at the cells of the human brain or nerve cell, and then you look almost identical, as above, so below. But then there's also the essence.
So we have the goals, which are our desires, that put us on, give us the mile markers, the signage on where to go in our roadmap, and then the mission, which is being in flow and being in the flow of coincidences and awareness in our lives. And then there's the essence, the essence of our soul, what our soul is made of, who we really are, who is that person with the controllers in the video game? And that is straight up. That is connection and love. All that separates is fear, and fear is an element of an imbalanced ego. So how do you find those desires? Because when we're kids we just have them, how we're so connected to those things that give us joy, those things that make us happy, and they don't have to be big, you know, when we're a kid it could just be, oh man, the tiniest things you know. So what was it? What was it that you loved as a kid? What did you love to do? Who did you want to become? Why? What brought you joy? No matter how simple.
I remember I don't even know how old I was, it must have been kindergarten, first grade, something like that when we'd go to the library at school and I remember I was on repeat of checking certain books out. One was a shark book. It was all about sharks and I loved seeing on that piece of paper that you have to check it out with it was my name and the date, my name and the date, my name and the date, my name and the date. And then one time I went in I don't know if I've talked about this before or not in someone else's name. I didn't even want to remember the name because I was so upset. Someone else's name was in between, where after my name, so someone else had checked out my book. I was so mad and I put it away. I never went back to it, but I honestly still don't know what it is specifically that I loved so much about sharks, but I was very interested in what was under the water and the history of the shark, because it is one of the oldest animals on this earth not the, but one of I also. I also checked out anatomy books. That was the other thing that I loved anatomy books. I wanted to learn more about the human body. I thought I'd be a doctor because I wanted to help people, and then I thought, oh no, but I want to be a lawyer because I really I don't like things that are unjust. And then I kind of settled in to know I'll just be an artist because I really don't like school, which seems to make sense. But I mean, ever since I was little the first thing I can ever remember is I was drawing. I was drawing, I was singing, I was dancing, I was performing, I was playing music. I was always trying to figure out why people were the way they were and did what they did, but I loved, loved creating, no matter what it was.
My son recently said to me yesterday I think it was he said, mom, I bet you were a straight A student. And I mean I could not have been further from a straight A student. But of course, of course I smiled and I told him oh, you think that you know and I didn't. I didn't lie to him but I love that he thought that you know, because it seriously could not have been farther from the truth. My guide self set me up with so many challenges and struggles externally, internally, environmentally and I just rebelled against all of them. I felt massively unseen, unheard, unknown, which caused lots of anger and lots of rebellion, and I've carried it with me most of my life and there's parts of it that helped me create that I'm appreciative for. There are parts of it that helped me be more empathetic to when others feel or display feelings of the same sort. And it was only in my twenties that when I actually found yoga, I found it on my own and explored it on my own. For a while I became a vegetarian or a pescatarian and I started to release some of that anger and some of the rebellion and I met my yoga teacher. I was introduced to a new kind of unconditional love and more of that anger released. So my guide had placed me on a path to learn and no struggle, and it never was.
I always say things are relative, less than some more than others. That internal pain and struggle recognizes internal pain and struggle and as I look back on every decade of my life, you know I let a little more go. I dug deeper into the jungle of my spiritual path and let another layer of people pleasing go. I embraced my soul's journey with a little more guidance and a little more clarity from my mission. There's always a layer to peel, like my teacher's father would say that you know, life is like an onion. The layers are very thin, there are so many and they may just make you cry. So, looking back, looking back at this year, as I'm getting closer and closer to another decade, another kind of what I call unraveling. It's a massive unraveling. It's an unraveling of back to the analogy of the video game. It's an unraveling or a disconnection from the video game and a more of a deeper reconnection to the controller or the guide. And it's a request for my journey this life.
I gave up drinking two years ago now and I'm not saying that, just noticing that I've revisited it, the idea of letting it go almost every decade since my 20s and then I would revisit it again, but this time it just feels more correct, like the release of the drinking for me was a chord and is a chord to my people pleasing or the people pleasing aspect of me, because I love myself sober, I feel good about myself, I feel good about myself in the morning and it makes me feel empowered and just not shameful. But that's me, that's just me. But how I look at that and I recognize that as I'm coming up on another decade is that it's just more layers being released, you know, and I'm really digging into my freak flag and I'm letting it fly. I really have this past year and it feels good. Yes, it feels awkward at times. Yes, it feels weird. Yes, I'm kind of sometimes maybe trying to hide in the cracks because I'm amongst people who I don't feel would understand the true colors of my freak flag. Right, but it's not out of shame, it's more out of like A) I don't have the energy to explain it and B) I don't think they really care to learn and that's okay, you know. I mean, yeah, I started this podcast last year. I did several workshops with women on tapping into their reconnecting with their creativity and intuition Two things I think we all own in different quantities, but we do own them. And I love doing the readings, you know, seeing somebody. To me, the readings echo what my soul as a little kid was searching for, which is to be seen oh my gosh, it's making me like emotional all of a sudden but to be seen, to be heard, to be known. When we connect as a people, right on a soul level, there's no BS, it's just soul to soul and our souls are part of my French, but they're goddamn beautiful.
You know, some of us have a lot of stuff to climb in this life, but it's all to make us stronger and our lights brighter. I had a friend once who said to me life is a series of challenges and celebrations and all the little moments in between. So as I look back on all the challenges I've had this year and struggles and there have been a lot I'm really feeling a sense of celebration right now and an opportunity for celebration Like, I'm breathing. I have a beautiful family, you know. I have wonderful people around me. I have passion in my heart, curiosity in my mind and I feel purpose filled, purposeful. I'm proud of what I'm building. I'm grateful to all of you who have supported me listening to this podcast, having readings with me, joining me in workshops, sharing it means the world.
No soul contract is without struggle. So what do you do when you get a struggle? Sometimes we're in the midst of a challenge or a struggle and it's really hard to get a clear perspective. It's like you know to take this analogy is going to work, but I'm going to go with it. But, like it's like you need a new prescription to see through the muck. But like lens crafters is closed. So you got to wait the weekend right Till Monday when they open up and you can change in your prescription. Sometimes we're in that space of a challenge and that's okay. Sometimes we need to be in that space. We don't always have to be planting things and we don't always have to be reaping our crops. There is the time between the time for things to marinate and grow and go about the process that they need to go about.
So what do you do when you finally get into lens crafters and they're open on a Monday and you can actually change in your prescription? So here are some things that I find helpful Play, play every day. What does that mean? I don't mean like a kid and you have to play Barbie dolls. I mean like what do you or whatever you want to play with? You know, insert your own play thing there. But again, I'm not going to make a that's what she said joke, but I just did, okay. But what I mean is what brings you joy? Make a list, make a list for yourself what makes me happy, what makes me joy, what makes me smile. Just make a big ass list, put it on your phone, keep it in your wallet and then do something that brings you joy every day. For me, you know I don't know getting outside I love getting outside. Exercising brings me joy. Hugging and snuggling my kids brings me joy. Singing brings me joy. Dancing brings me joy. All things these are all things you can do. You know. You can do it in your car. You can do it when no one's watching. You can do it when people are watching. Challenge yourself to say who cares what they think, as long as that's appropriate. Please don't go to, like you know, get arrested.
The next thing is is to well, I'm going to add one more thing to that, to the play part. I went to an aerial yoga class the other day. Like I had just like an hour and I was like, oh, I've always wanted to try it. There's that class nearby, I'm going to go Now. It was an intermediate class. I did not know that until afterwards, but felt it for sure during and, man, I could have done some mental gymnastics on myself in that class because, as a person who likes to do yoga, who likes to be active and I'm not at tip top shape right now, but now I can hold my own I was so awkward. I was so awkward Like the woman was like standing on the, on the silk things and like wrapping her legs seven times and falling down like I like it's the circle, so like right, and I had basically just stood up in my silk thing and was like what, now, what? And every time I tried to do it, like in your mind, you feel like so sexy and fluid, and I could not have been less fluid or sexy as I tried to do this thing. But I kept up, I held my own, I did not do everything. There came two points where I was like yeah, I'm good with that, now I'll try it another day. And I I Could have in the past, been doing more in mental gymnastics around Failure and inability and all those things that I was just like to myself was like this is your first time, you're new at this, just try and get half a leg wrapped around the silk, call it a day, you know, and and Afterwards. And yes, maybe there's a little bit of my competitive spirit that wants to go back, just to, like, prove that I can do it, you know, and try it again, like at a base level, and see how I fare on the, you know, the beginner level situation. So I have been obsessing over going back a bit but it has brought me so much joy, like all week, just that, trying something new, just being curious, just playing. I was playing, I was playing with the silk rope, trying not to kill myself, and it was fun. Anyway, play. I have a saying stay curious, play, and that's what it means. The next thing I have is to how to cope.
When you come up with challenges is to have a little secret for yourself, and this secret can be that joyful thing. This secret can be that that playful thing, like just have it inside your soul, like I Played today, you know, to me, just that little tiny, like fun voice of I Mean even just thinking of it now, like I get it's like I get these little excited butterflies in my heart and that radiates, that ships the energy around you. So keep a little secret, a secret that won't harm anyone, won't harm you, a Secret that brings you joy, and let it just be for you. I'll admit, this is a hard one for me, because I like to tell everybody everything, but it is important, and when I do it, man does it feel good. So, as we enter the end of the year here, there's two more things that I wanted to say. One was the quote that I'm probably gonna mess up right now. But you can't reap, and so at the same time, so, looking back on this year, what did you so? What seeds did you sell and what did you reap? What accomplishments did you have? And then look at the beautiful opportunity of another year ahead of us. What do you want to plant? What do you want to Cultivate?
I promise to return to the kite analogy and the kite visual of this weeks, or this message image, and I heard this story the other day. The story is of Arjun and Krishna, and, for those of you don't know, arjun and Krishna are part of the Mahabharata in Hindu religion and mythology. So One day, arjun, who is the student, and Krishna, who is the teacher, are flying a kite together, and this is essentially what I remember. So if you are very familiar with the story, you can reach out and correct me, please. I don't mind, but this is how I remember it. So Arjun says to Krishna, as he sees the kite flying high, he says, krishna, this string that we're holding to fly the kite is holding it, the kite back from its full potential. If we let the string go, if we cut the string, the kite could fly as high as it possibly could. It could go even higher. And Krishna said okay, cut the string or let go. So he did and the kite went high. It went higher and Then it fell right to the ground. And the talk was about freedom when we were talking about this, and that true freedom isn't having no path, no journey, no destination. True freedom is finding this freedom within the structure. So back to that picture, back to that image. The freedom to enjoy that space you create in your mind, or that magical place that you want to create around you, requires an anchoring To allow yourself to elevate your perspective and shift your appreciation of all that you've done and all that you are doing and all you will do. The kite string is your roadmap, this life, complete freedom from it needs you aimless. Finding the freedom within it may just bring you a newfound sense of joy.
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